Shallow End Survailence

My lines re real
The words are see-through
My verse is spoken
No one can hear the words
Written in a hanger
Purgatory of the soul
Lost without its meaning
Here in the nothingness found its home

This is where I strum my air guitar

What's so funny about decision making?
Why do you make me make the choices in my mind?
Am I, to you, a burden...
...places in the chest when you are done?
Forget tomorrow, fellas, the game starts tonight.
When you're in the locker toom, I'm on the bench...
...'til I get my chance to make a play

Solo into closing

My fate has yet to find me, yet
...but I'm on the chosen path...
Can join me on the karmic team...
...where the world will will see our laugh

Liquid Lethargy

"It's wet out there today!"
Oh, really? Didn't notice...

People fleeing from the gentle old man's tears
As if, they were a young kid avoiding lava
Not a soul wandering the streets today
Everyone's path etched in their conscious

I've been staring out the window for hours
All to afraid to make my move against the tyranny of the rain
It laughs at me as I plot my next step
...Knowing no matter what I do it will win...

I wonder if gazing into the rain is a form of hypnosis
I can wait here a whole 'nother day, if I need to, for I'm as calm as the late evening breeze

There's nothing like a rainy day
Most days I'm asleep by nightfall, but this day, you will not keep me now
Oh no!

I'm waiting for a message
...from the subconscious in my mind
I got the hint that it was urgent, but it's taking its sweet time
Maybe that's why it is raining, so I wouldn't miss the call
Or maybe I have to find it staring through the see-through wall

What Can I Say?

Listen... what can I say?
My words and my actions have been heard despite all too many distractions
When everything I say and everything I do...
...feels like I have the weight of our world resting on what I say or do next

Sometimes I get tired of being required...
...of acting their fantasties everytime they're inspired...
I'll pretend that I'm hearing them...
...pretend that I understand...
...and then act out they're beck and call, leading me to insanity...

It was not long ago, when I just understood...
...what I wanted was inside of me...
...not in any of their coulds or their shoulds...

I lay down in the moonlight and I smile in delight...
For my choices have been made for me...
...other voices out of sight...
Tomorrow I will see you...
...translucent in the light...
I will tell you of my burdens, then you will chuckle out of spite...

The things that people tell me are the things I should have known...
The fact I didn't act on them is the reason I'm alone...

But, what can I say?

What can I say to make that all go away...
...and make you here to stay?

Winnie Cooper Revisited

Terminal G in Anytown, Global World...
...waiting for your craft to touch down...
...I'd be just as surprised if it was a plane or halo cloud that landed...
...you've been a ghost my mind for ages...

There's a part of me, hun, that sees you as a figment of my imagination...
...a translucent memory... slowly fading from my soul...
But, there's a part of me, hun, that sees you every waking second of the day...
...able to come out and play at a moments notice...

I sit here in the quiet of the choas that surrounds this hanger...
...screaming children, running businessmen, parting couples...
And I'm here trying to make sense of the events that shaped our lives...
...and led us now to where we are...
Only been here for a moment; but the heart doesn't keep track of time...
...but, hun, eight years has been a minute and a decade, all the same...

Yet, as I sit here, it feels like I can write a movie... or a book...
...or a series, Season Five
When we were so young, we knew those were the best days of our lives...
...but we never took the bait, let the tackle dangle for life...

The silver glider reaches home, as I stand to greet you at the gate...
...Eight years feels like a second now, hesitation is the furthers action from my mind...
Terminal G is finally exiting now, the passengers rushing towards the light...
...You see me first and drop your bags, we have finally made the catch...

We talked each week for all these years, so not a secret kept on either end...
...when the embrace is broken, and take a step back, I introduce you to my wife...
...and to my daughter, who just turned three...
...we all stand together in abstracted glee...

Yet, as we all walk to my car...
...me and you, hun, look towards the stars...
...to think what could have, should have been...
...Me, as your Kevin... and You, as my Winnie...

Sometimes the fairytale isn't told how everyone wishes it could have gone...
...with sunshines and rainbows and pots of gold...

That night, as I lay under my sheets...
...my mind thinks back to what would have been...
...if we realized it sooner... or realized it better...
...but I know in my heart Winnie so-and-so, wasn't right...

...best friends, best friends forever...

Looking for the other half of my pendant...

Home is where you're happy.
And where your deepest fantasies can be fulfilled.
Where you can chill out with your buddies,
...then stay in with your girl.
It's where your heart gets filled,
...from a long day hard at work...
Where the things are not quite your own...
...they're yours and your girl's both.

Home is where the heart is.
Or so the story goes...
...it's not a true place in the world...
Just a palace in your mind.
Home is not building...
...or a person... or a thing...
Home is where you want it...
...no where else for you to be.

I'm ageless now and trying to find my home place in the world...
I'm looking for a city or so, or some place to store my things...
I don't know what I'm looking for, so the search is quite a farse...
...but when I find it, I will know it, it will hit me in the face.

The search is never ending now... men with flashlights out for days
I'll stop looking tomorrow... then I'll see my fate in stars.
Home is a scary thing, if you don't know where to look.
I had it once, but now it's gone... my heart is searching for its whole.

Home is quite a simple thing...
And, for that matter, so is love...
For all we do and all we say,
We look for our other half to make us whole...

Dishonesty

Dishonesty.
Is such a lonely word.
Whether it is now or it's later...
You'll be the lonliest one on the block.

It's hard to build a friendship...
...on foundations build of foam...
...on bases built of facts...
...that can't facilitate a home..
People make excuses for your actions, for your lies...
...yet, dishonesty's a virtue, to which for all it shall apply

I show the scars of a young man scorn...
...before he saw the facts and became reborn...
But sad for me, when you appear I see...
...a man all too deeply rooted in dishonesty

Everytime I take a step these days...
...everytime I take a pulse...
I show a fear and shallow haze...
...that you turned into an impulse...
Dishonesty can rule the world...
...if we let the ones we love go unchecked...
But eventually you reach the time...
...when the words I say go past sublime...
...into a state of sad despair...
...into a state of 'I don't care'...

And here you leave me with a choice...
...because I know you won't hear me with my voice...
Is it time for me to pack and leave...
...or will you fin-a-lly believe...
...that you are worth it naturally...
with the need to lie and deceive...
...to be the man we know you can...
...to be the man whose lust can span...?

I cannot wait a second more...
...for my heart can't take to see the score...
When the world will show for all too see...
...people love you more for your dishonesty.

It hurts I know, but I'm ok...
My karma will find me some other way...

I'm chasing myself in my dreams...

I'm chasing myself in my dreams...
...as I walk down the same dim lightened street...
Away from the dreams from my future...
...away from the dreams of my past...

I'm chasing myself in my dreams...
...and I'm running as fast as I can...
For the chance to ask myself a question...
...but the question's outside of my head...

I'm chasing myself in my dreams...
...because I'm too scared to do it awake.
Too scared to believe in my future...
...too scared to confront my past...

I'm chasing myself in my dreams...
...that's the time I listen to myself...
I can try to make up for the burdens I've caused...
...I can remake the conditions I've felled.

I'm chasing myself in my dreams...
...for I am so scared of being alive...
Alive means responsibility...
...but I face my chores with an order of sleep...

I'm so scared of being alive...
Having to make choices
Having to trust
Having to build a home
...and a house... with a job... for your family
Having to be more than yourself

I'm so scared of being alive...
...because living as a child's so easy.
I can go out and play...
...and rhyme every day...
Then tomorrow go do that again.

I'm chasing myself in my dreams
But I'm not walking alone in the clouds...
...there's a man, and a gal, and they're dancing around...
...as I smile awake in my dreams...

I'm chasing myself in my dreams...
...to tell myself things are ok...
Where I am now, is not where I'll end up...
...and in the end things are ok...

I'm chasing myself in my dreams...
...and I have finally flagged the man down...
He looks at me in awe, and puts out his claw...
...as we embrace before dark becomes dawn...

I look myself in the eyes... literally, so is the case...
And I run down my thoughts... and my fears and my warts...
As myself listens to every ideal...

After I laid it all down, we talked for a while...
...until we gave up, and both left with a smile...
For we both understood, what that he couldn't get through...

...I'd have to figure it out on my own...

I watch myself dreaming in dreams...
...when real life is not what it seems...
And though it's only a thought,
...real awakenings are sought...

So, I'm still chasing myself in my dreams...

When the love is still young...

Once and over, tried and true...
...oh, the things I'd do for you...
From early morning to the pearly gates...
...A request from you, I shalln't hesitate...

I wanted to take you on a date...
...but my head and heart wouldn't cooperate...
Yet, when I finally found the strength to speak...
...I knew there was no cause for being meek...

The beginning leads to love anew...
The fluttering hearts of the morning dew...
When everyone will say, "Their love outgrew"
You should always know, I'll never tire of you...

Girl, I can make you happy...
...and let our fate roll through...
I'll make sure that the world will never unnerve you...

Hun, I'll hold you closer than I did at the start...
...so, you'll trust that you're my sweetheart...