Penance

I believe in me...
I believe in you...
Yet, I won't let you control what I do...

Whatever I say...
Whatever the words...

All I really mean...
Is that I love you...

Meaning...

My name, it doesn't matter...
...because I life a life of hope
I wake up every morning...
...I write a brand new song

...And then I fall asleep again...
...the whole day starts a new
Again a fall asleep again...
...and there's nothing I can do...

...These days it doesn't matter living hopelessness

I awoke this morning...
...and saw a man I didn't know
He was playing a string insrtument...
...but he didn't have his bow

So, he sat there in the corner...
...and played his fingers to the bone
And as he sat there in the corner...
...I pondered the great unknown...

...Still I lay here without meaning or desirement

I live a life in which I see...
...the same things every day
The same tree blowing in the wind...
...the same cat meowing by

And in a haste I drive by...
...many exits past my home
And in a haste I drive by...
...I've finally found my home...

...This time I control how I live forevermore...

One morning I awoken....
...to a girl I've seen before
Regret never had a chance...
...because I finally took a chance...

I walked into the other room...
...I picked our child up
...And as I walked into the other room...
...my life was filled with hope...

...And life as the immortal fool will dissapate...

As I Wish...

If things were to go as I wish,
My life would soon cease to exist
For night and day and day and night,
Only appear when you see the light.

If all my dreams were to come true,
You'd somehow know that I loved you
...And we'd share good times that all would see,
Yet the only doubts would be in me

If I had a magic genie or I held the magic lamp,
I have a feeling that my virtues would fall prey to the overt trap.

If I had the chance to make you mine,
Without the work of love and time
Your love for me would misaligned
...And I would have to write a poem, again, where all the last lines rhymed.

If things were to go as I wish,
I think I'd live a life like this
Where skies are blue...
...and tears are, too
...And life had repercussions from all the things I do

Here, I sit and wait and wait...
Waiting for my greatest mistake...
For when I see a world of power and grandeur...
The life as I wish, would never be ensured.

Starting Line Mist

Tell me tomorrow's never coming
And I'll take you to the start
To the place where there are no questions
In the matter of the heart

Frozen here forever
Purtagory is my home
Heaven is a virtue
Where my feet will never roam

I can feel the cold deep inside my skin
Part of the places I have never been
And so it goes back to the heart
Where the beginning ends... back to the start

I thought my life was so surreal
A journey set through past ordeals
The purpose shown to be revealed...

Tomorrow has seen better days
The sunset came a million ways
But the sun will rise beyond my days
In so many more than a million ways
See past the light and through the haze...
Betray the heart and you shall always pay

Only Dreaming...

Now these people go and say that I don't understand
But I can do what I want and I want what I can
Cause I'm holding.... I know that I'm holding
I know I'm not the man that you need me to be
But I can give you my heart 'cause my heart's on my sleeve
And I'm holding... I know that I'm holding... Always be holding

The past is the part that I'll never let go
I will hold you even closer 'til you feel my flow
We're always afraid that the future's delayed
It'll start when it's ready, there's no use to hold

I'll never let you tell me that... I'll never let you tell me that...
I'll never let you tell me that... Never let you tell me that...

Don't be scared, oh, don't be afraid
This world can be a barren place
Without me seeing your showing face

My arms are tired, my legs are weak
For holding on is leading bleak
I'll tell you now, I'll tell you later
I've been holding on for fear... the fear of falling

I've the seen the light the sun can shine
When you awake to the horizon line
It showed me sights that I could not see
Without the aid of those shattered dreams

People that told me that dreams were shot
Would never be worth another thought
I know better 'cause I was taught
It'll never be over if you play the clock

I know... I'm here
I'm trying... to be
The one... in the light
Who can save the soul of my shattered dreams

And I know... I'll be here
'Til the night... of the year
Always cold... from the heat
In control of the only heart on the only night of the year

...On the only night of the year

And I know... I will say
The perfect thing.. at the perfect sight.. of your holding might
On the only night.. in the only dream...
That became the light of my life...
You became the light of my life...

Whose Heart is on Your Side

Whose heart is on your side?
You always there though they seldom call
They will never catch you should you ever fall
Whose heart is on your side?

Cry and weep from street to street
The closest shadow is the window streak
Whose heart is on your side?

Whose heart is on your side
When your heart is done with playing games?
When your heart is worn and torn and mourned
Whose heart is on your side?

When your chips are in
The battles coming
The ships are sailing
The storm clouds gathering
Whose heart is on your side?

The one shot left is not your own
Whose heart is on your side?

Devil's Angel

I'm your sense of inspiration
I am always on your mind
You want to get together
But we're running out of time

I don't want to take my chances
Don't wanna wear my tires down
I want to be your angel
But your devil's running wild

My heart is taking chances
My mind will not allow
Like saying it's forever
When I know you're on the prowl

Hun, I know you're scared
'Cause I know that I'm scared, too
Don't give me that look, baby
There's nothing I can do

I'm your sense of inspiration
The sunshine in your day
The milk that's in your coffee
I'm the flower to your bee

I wish you had the words to say
'I love you more than yesterday'
But I know to me what matters most
Your feelings strong to hold me close

Be Kind, Have Faith, Believe

This world is filled with fear and doubt
Inside it's not what it's about
Your sight won't show you things to be
The greatest gifts your eyes can't see

I have a secret I cannot share
Every moment I say a prayer
Despite my wish to hold you close
I made you think I mattered most

You should've see my life before
The night you walked in through the door
Into my heart that wasn't there
Old broken loves had left it bare

So, I hid my heart within my chest
It's not that hard when I get depressed
It's not fair to you I always run
When loving me is the worst you've done

Faith's the toughest thing of all
No one to hold you when you should fall
Your trust in me was always there
I can see it now I was not fair

The times we spent together
Were the times I freed my mind
The times I let myself believe
That time is on my side

I'll put myself out in the air
To let the people stand and stare
At the mess I've been since I let you leave
My mended heart is on my sleeve

It's time I gave myself a chance
To live a life of true romance
I'll hold your hand as we walk alone
Letting the sunset lead us to the great unknown

As the credits roll, the screen faces to black
You give me the chance to take it back
Without a sound, I pull you near
To let you know that I can hear
The words you say before they appear

And with that I can finally say
What I've wanted to from the very first day
I gazed into your eyes and saw an ocean blue
To tell you how much
…how much I love you

Yours truly, yours

Cold and rainy
Dark and dreary
My own fault,
I've done it to me.

Lost and helpless
Caught in distress
Yours truly yours,
I will confess.

Tuesday's come but once a week
The saddest times; the deepest bleak
And when I think I've beat the streak,
I start again to reach the peak.

It goes back to the time I said
I didn't want you in my bed
And it was made for all to see
The person laid would not be me.

I'm sorry for the lies I've told
The cheap attempts at being bold
For crying when I'm feeling old
…and keeping warmth when you were cold.

And so it comes without an aim
I'm on my knees embracing pain
Left without an ounce of shame
My love is yours…
…I've quit the game

I think I've known what matters most
You shouldn't fear the faded ghosts…
Of what has happened in the past
What we didn't do to make it last

Still on my knees I'll take your hand
To lift me up and I shall stand
Your every wish at my command

Yours truly yours,
Can I be your man?

Never let it fade away

Catch your fallen hero
And put them in their place
Because they don't belong here
Down here in mortal space

I've spent too much time bitching
About what could've, should've been
Not taking the best of what I have
And doing how I do...

I've seen the future of my past
I've seen the bravest of them fall
What happens next cannot be predetermined
I still control what I'll allow myself to see

I know it's my time to take a stand
Make this the turning point of my life
But...

I'm scared to take my place
Among the heroes in outer space
For I am here where I belong
Here in the doldroms of mortal space

I can see the way you feel tonight
When I look into your eyes
I know this road was built for two
But tonight I walk alone

I know the choice is mine to make
If I allow myself a chance
But fear is the only coat I'll ever wear
While I have this cross to bear

You walk into a bar at night
You take a look around
You take a glance right down your nose
You boast how great your dreams are
...When barkeep is a writer
...That man in the corner is Broadway star

Your shit is what you make it
They want what they get and when they finally get it
They only want more

I'm so fucking scared to take my place
Among those heroes in outer space
This is not even close to where I belong...
Staring up at the doldroms of mortal space

Morning Waiting

Wednesday morning came a went
The call from you I'll never get
I wish it didn't come to this
Elsewhere to find eternal bliss

And I swear this time it's up to you
And I'd pray... but there's nothing I can do

So instead of wasting days getting older
I'm gonna have to find my own ways of closure
This afternoon...

And yes, I cry, these tears are real
I never thought we'd see our 'Wheel'
I should've promised more than I delivered
But you could see through it...
You could see through me...
Or so I thought

This wasn't my first love
Or my last chance
This was just a dumb-dumb string of ideals
Brought about from our friend's appeals

My phone is still with me,
Nothing has changed
And I knew that I loved you,
Thank god that changed

You may have torn me in half,
But I'm only going to come back twice as strong

Trying to begin again

If I choose to let my beard grow
If I choose to cry all night
Would you think I'm trying something new
Or reaching out with all my might?

If I choose to say I love you
Unsure what you might say
You'd let me down the hard way
Such is the cliché

I'm not half the man I used to be
But I still feel him on the other side
I can't let myself be strayed to darkness
'Cause you can't live your dreams before you ever wake

Tell me what I want to hear, Sandy
Tell me "we're for each other" tonight
Although I can't make it now without your breath
We won't always be together anymore

The fire doesn't burn tonight
Sometimes I fear it never has
Can I keep telling myself I'm gonna win, baby
When I can't even get into the game?